Inertia

I suppose it was inevitable. After all that moving and bustling and worrying and packing and organizing and traveling, things on my end slowed to a crawl yesterday.

Actually, things slowed to a nap -- followed by some more resting. I think after that I stared at some TV for a while. Yeah, I didn't do much and it felt pretty great.

Today I'm still tired so I'm thinking another nap is not far off. I've only been up a few hours as it is but, hey, I'm gonna have to expend some energy toward a breakfast situation soon and that will probably put me down for the count.

It's hard to describe how draining it is to support a parent in this process. Unless you've done it, I'm not sure words can really convey the complexity of the challenge. I found myself walking many, many ever-shifting boundaries to handle the fundamental task at hand. I'd say the most difficult was the fluid nature of when to behave like a daughter versus when to behave like a parent to my own mom. It was weird.

There were situations where we both laughed hysterically, moments where I wanted to handcuff her to the chair, times when I cried alone or in front of her and a few incidents where I felt like I was being manipulative to get past the fact that mom is a full-fledged adult to who gets to make her own decisions.

I remember almost shouting at her back in Kentucky that she had to deal with her belongings. "Mom! There is no 'later.' The truck is coming. You have to decide NOW." I felt like crap about it. I haven't had a full-blown fight with my mom since I was about 27 years old. I decided I was too old to be yelling like a hormonal teenager, so I cut it out. We've certainly had arguments and snapped at each other since then but I haven't had a complete knock-down-drag-out with her in 20 years. So raising my voice to her (unless we're all laughing) doesn't feel so good. I told her that I was doing it as the lesser of two evils: I was not about to watch that truck pull up and see her confused and upset about what was and wasn't going to California because other people were making decisions that she hadn't faced.

I know it was the right thing to do. I know all of it was basically the right thing to do. My sister and I have handled everything as best we can and mom has expressed profound gratitude and conceded that most if not all of our methods were necessary. We're all grateful she's in California now and in one piece.

We just all need lots of naps. Too bad we still have to assemble that damn Ikea table!