It's Also Sad

This afternoon mom told me about all the "administrative" stuff she has to do before we leave: paying bills, returning phone calls, calculating budget issues and on and on. As she spoke, her voice got higher, she flailed her arms and started breathing faster.

I pointed out that she could do those things in the car, from her cell phone, once we drove out of town. In fact, those would be perfect tasks for the road. For now, she needs to go through a file cabinet that was my dad's and make some sort of decision about its contents. She also has to tell me which dishes she wants to take with her, pack her clothes that are going on the truck not in the car, finish going through her "pile" and about a hundred other mission critical assignments before the moving truck arrives Friday morning.

She looked at me and said, "See, the problem with that is I didn't process anything you just said."

She wasn't joking and she wasn't exaggerating. That moment represents, for me, the sad part and why I'm glad to be here doing what I can for my mom. Most of my observations about this "moving mom" thing are meant to be at least a little bit funny if not downright hilarious. It keeps me sane and keeps the situation in some perspective. But when I presented this option for making those calls in the car, she truly didn't understand what I was telling her. The stress of watching her entire life boxed, shredded, donated or discarded has aggravated her conditions, which compromise her memory, recall and processing. This difficulty is basically why she can't live by herself anymore.

I feel a lot of compassion and patience for her in these moments.

Imagine trying to leave your home and move across the country without being able to trust your own thinking. Imagine trying to pack up a three-story house you have lived in for 35 years when you can't stay awake at times because of your medication. This event is incredibly complicated emotionally, mentally and physically.

I am hoping, and I have reason to believe, that when she settles into her new apartment and acclimates to a new life, some of the stress will ease and, along with it, some of these symptoms. I don't know. Maybe that's my denial. I know that several medical professionals told me her issues would all get worse during the transition and then improve once she was settled. But no one knows for sure, so we'll just have to see.